Dilbert - For Real

A magazine recently ran a “Dilbert quotes” contest.  They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real life Dilbert-type managers. Here are the finalists:

“What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter.”
(Lykes Lines Shipping)

“E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business.”
(Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

“This project is so important, we can’t let things that are more important interfere with it.”
(Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

“Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We’ve been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I’ll let you know when it’s time to tell them.”
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

Quote from th e Boss: “Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say.”
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

“We know that communications are a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees.”
(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

And the winner is….

“As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.”
(The winning quote, from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp. in Redmond, WA.)

Submitted by Jeff Anderson, Casework and Millwork Sales, H & B Specialized Products, Inc.

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